“Is the person answering your foodery phone, killing your business softly?”  Regretfully for most restaurants, firing that person is too good for them!  Instead I want to wrestle them to the ground with a choke hold, and make them beg for mercy. I want them to feel, third and even fourth degree pain, for sabotaging the business that feeds them!  When the person answering a fooderies phone is an idiot, one is forced to stop and ponder; “To whom must we assign the blame?  The person who designated the idiot or the one who assumes the duty?”

True story:  Back when I was (ah hum) a breathtakingly ravishing ingénue  (I’m such a cheeky cow), my father sent me to understudy with a master métier, a dear family friend and close confidant.  Mr. Berger owned and operated a massive conglomerate... we’re talking like really big!  I remember quite vividly entering his lavish office and him gesturing for me to seat my over confident little tush onto a soft leather chair.  He welcomed me with a question, which I surmised was to somehow measure my 18 year old, intelligence... “Tell me what is the most important thing on my desk?”  Biting my lower lip... “Oh! shoot, a freakin’ IQ test!”  With lightening bolt action my eyes locked onto a shiny black enamel Cross fountain pen, lying silently like a sword across his checkbook.    Blurting out in true clueless ingénue fashion.  “Your pen, because it writes the checks and money makes everything work." Giving me a stern disconcerting glance and shaking his head “No”  he said, “It’s the telephone.  Communication is what makes or breaks a business.”  My first assignment thereafter was as the switchboard receptionist... that is where I first made my bones!

True Happening:  My first telephone contact with a trendy high end wine bar.

Hostess:        “Moody Cow, how may I help you?”

Moi:    “Hello, I read your ad, about Wine Wednesday, can you tell me more about it?”

Hostess:        “What ad?”

Moi:    “The full page coloured ad in last months Tampa Magazine.” (sigh)  Now I’m wondering how much the ad must have cost them.  I guess the hostess never got the memo.

Hostess:        “Oh! That ad, ( she pretends to know, then I hear rustling of papers in the background)  I haven’t seen it.”

Moi:    “Pity! It’s quite a nice full page ad and it says that 4 different wine samplings are served along with an appetizer. (So now I’m reading her the ad)  "My question is, what kind of wines are being featured and pleeeeeeease tell me their origins?”

Hostess:        “I don’t know the names if that’s what your asking.”

Moi:    “Well, what kind are they?”

Hostess:        “I don’t know? I have no idea.”

Moi:    “Can you give me any information, are they domestic?”

Hostess:        “No, I can’t tell you because I don’t know.” (deep exhale - long pause like she is really annoyed)  

Moi:    “Can you ask someone who does know?”

Hostess:        “Hum, nobody seems to be around right now.”

Moi:    “I understand you have live music tonight, whose playing and what time does the music start?”

Hostess:        “Look, I don’t know.  If you want, just go to our website and read all about it.  It’s probably on the site.”  I felt like telling her where to go, but I didn’t.  See what a good girl, Pen was for once?  

Moi:    “Probably?  Aren’t you sure?”

Hostess:        “No! I’m not sure.  Look, I have other calls coming in.  Just go to the site and read it.”   Sportingly, I continue to be a pain in her petunias and ignore her exhales and obvious frustration with me.

Moi:    “You feature an appetizer plate with the wine sampling.  What type of appetizers are they?”

Hostess:        (Massive exhale) “Honestly!  I have no idea.”

Moi:    “Is that on the site too?”

Hostess:        “I guess so.”  She hangs up.

You have a full crew waiting in the wings to serve customers.  You have perishable food waiting to be sold.  You have bills to pay and payroll to make!  You have the credibility and reputation of your business, which stands between you and your success.  So tell me, “What has this employee communicated to a new customer, like moi?  Why should I grace your tables?  Why should I spend my mulah with your establishment?”

Communication does indeed make or break a business.  I leave you to arrive at your own conclusion. 

Meanwhile ask yourself... “Who is answering your phone and what do they communicate to customers about your business?  Why don’t they know, what they should know?  Whose fault is it?”  Now fix it!!!

That is who and how they are killing your restaurant softly. 

We welcome your comments.

Thanking you & always grateful,

Pen & Gaby  

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