In no time at all, they shall be working among us. 

A Cyborg is a person whose physiological is aided by or dependent upon a mechanical or electronic device.

It is for some employer’s their idyllic wet dream.  Cyborgs can be programmed to say and do everything a human can, and better, with zero hassle.  

Each model comes with a highly absorbent Wamu Terry Cloth Drooling Bib, specially designed to fit under the chin of certain restaurant owners, food and beverage managers and HR administrators. 

Passports are not required.  That means no I-9 forms to complete, because they aren’t regarded as foreigners.  Being "alien" or rather non human, they don’t pull a payroll check.  They come paperless and eco friendly, leaving no carbon footprint, and require no administrative workload. 

The Cyborg titanium series are durable beyond belief, virtually maintenance free, and requires little to no programming. Once activated, they remain on auto pilot for a complete 365 day cycle. Advantages are endless; they never complain about ANYTHING, argue, back talk or become moody when screamed at.  They repeat food orders back perfectly because everything is recorded.  Able to tolerate high levels of verbal abuse, lying, obscenities, even a slap or two are considered totally acceptable and the manufacturer guarantees they will never hold a grudge. Ever!

Always punctual with perfect attendance.  No pay for working holidays, vacations, or overtime.  They work weekends, nights and delight in servicing the lousiest table sections, because they don’t accept gratuities.  They are non union with no health insurance, black out on all sick days, because they do not menstruate or suffer from anxiety, bipolar disorders or even untimely head aches.  Human ailment free: sore feet, stiff necks, back pain, flu or sinus problems, are a thing of the past.  They don’t take lunch or smoke breaks either. 

Human Habits are non programable; they never pick their nose, scratch, itch or have to detach problematic wedgies.  Security cameras can be removed from the premises and sold on eBay, in that Cyborgs never steal, nor do they pinch food off plates when they come off the cook line.  Money back guarantee if not completely satisfied!

Kinda spooky huh?  There are employers (whom I personally know) that will be the first to place an online order, to purchase these machines when they become available - it’s only a matter of time.   These are the same employers, who are constantly plagued with excessively high turnover. They believe that humans do not possess even a modicum of common sense in performing the job to “their” standard of satisfaction.  Their sin is they seek perfection, where perfection does not exist. The functioning of their business is performed by managers who share, manage and rule according to this perspective.  Is it possible that “their” expectations are inhuman?  That no human could ever be that perfect?

It’s important for you to understand the mindset of some of the players.  These are the employers that have it all mapped out, documented, cheat sheet cards are printed and every single segment of the process is performed with the minimum amount of actual human thinking.  

We are the first to agree that most of these support tools are necessary in order to maintain good standards and consistency.  The problem is with the mechanical instructional policies for the front line servers who engage with the customers.  With the repetitiveness scripted spiel that leaves little to no chance for any kind of independent thinking, this accounts for much of the turnover.  

When people are not given the opportunity to “think and speak as humans”, they don’t.  The human element has been replaced with a mechanism that does not allow for deviation.  When they do speak “human”, they are retrained.  Remind you of revolutionary China, maybe? 

This is what hurts counter attendants in performing in a human-like manner.  Baristas have it the hardest because of the rigid training requirements that take away from the most important element; that being “the chat” or what we refer to as “emotion marketing”. How many bartenders do you know that could function with a set spiel for every drink they pour?

A great struggle took place in building a mega coffee franchise empire.  A painstaking endeavor that endured many challenges and continues to thrive and survive, all of which we applaud.  When they first happened upon the true European espresso coffee experience, they were awe struck.  The thrill and excitement of bringing that same coffee experience to America was born, then distilled and transitioned into pre boxed, little Cyborg shops.  

The strong galactic pull that was so overwhelmingly wonderful, wasn’t just the coffee, it was the human element. Yet that was the first to be diminished.  It was also about the capacity for a barista to customize each individual cup to order.  That action required ability and persona in order to drive the whole coffee experience right to its successful European finale.  

How many franchised cafes or food counters do you frequent where a conversation, the actual engagement simply doesn't exist?  Ah! Which brings me to my point. It’s all about the people, besides Cyborgs can’t make small talk!

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Penelopi & Gabriella 

Insider Confession: Two things got me thinking about my blog post for this week.  The first spark came from my mentor, Tara DeWhitt Coomans blog, a real must read, whatwechow.com entitled, “The best find at your Farmer’s Market Isn’t the food.”   Where she writes, “Farmer’s Markets are offering us a new way to shop. We graze through the temporary tents, with our reusable bag in hand. We pat ourselves on the back for sustainable shopping. We run home with the hope of better tasting food. But the real treasure is the people behind the foods.”  

The second flash (no silly, not hot flash, just flash!)  came from preparing the Hungry Grape article, where I write, “The act of eating is a primal function that can be celebrated with or without decorum. Human instincts will always prevail as the quintessential forerunners of what attracts a diner to the table.   When dining out, the vast majority of us use the following metrics, the initial greeting or welcome ~ the taste, smell and eye appeal of the platter and drink; the critical staging of timing ~ delivery and maintaining the needs of the guest. Yet the number one ambiance and mood setter is that of human engagement.  It does not possess even a hint of color, it requires little to zero overhead.  When guests are served and treated well, you don’t have to plug it into a wall socket to know it’s working.”  

Special Acknowledgement & Gratitude: To my close friend and confidant, Darren Torres who helps me every step of the way.  When I fumble, he is there to guide me back again.  Darren has started an entertainment site, http://www.fenentertainment.com,  which includes a link to his food blog entitled, “Pity Salad”, http://fenpromos.posterous.com. Darren also provides independent editing and proofreading services.  Contact him by email at: pitysalad@gmail.com.

(c) 2010 ptsaldari.posterous.com : PTsaldari Group Inc. | The Art of Serving Well | Serve Me Well Inc. All rights reserved. This article originally appeared on ptsaldari.posterous.com blog authored by PTsaldari.  This article may be shared and reprinted as long as this entire copyright message accompanies it. Email: ptsaldari@gmail.com