“If restaurant comment cards had ears, they’d be deaf”...  Penelope Tsaldari

Do they work?          Usually not. 

Are they meaningless?   Pretty much so.

Do they really, truly, “honest-to-God”, measure performance?   Not really.

My sixth grade dance card received more attention than any restaurant comment card could possibly ever hope for.  Cards may sit silently for weeks on end, waning like a wallflower.  Waiting.  Waiting and yearning only to be read.

We’ve all completed a comment card at one time or another, most always with the best of intentions, hoping the powers that be will read them.  We are secretly hopeful that our written words to managers, hold some sort of magical persuasive powers, earning our devoted server  the bestowing of a garland laurel wreath upon their little head;  as minstrel lutes play, as virgins romp up and down, as rose peddles rain down upon them from the heavenly skies, showering them with management’s adulations.  Or maybe they will be repaid for their evil deeds with a well-warranted set of boxed ears, for doling out lousy service.

Let’s stop right here!  If comment cards held value, wouldn’t management respond to each and every one of them?  They most often capture our email and contact information, right?  We bloggers are a fanatically unforgiving bunch of protocol junkies when it comes to simply implementing good manners.  “I took the time and made the effort to comment.  Now you respond back with the same level of effort.” Comments are the super highway to engagement.  Be it a customer, blogger, or social networking buddy, only fools underscore and impertinently ignore the value of comments.  Even with responses, we follow an unwritten code; that being, the quality of the comment dictates the quality of the response. 

Feedback in any business is the ultimate quintessence of showing how we listen to those we serve.  It distinguishes us.  Be it the receipt of constructive criticism or suggestions, comments are much like a Geiger counter that detects, measures and many times, guides or realigns our direction and performance.  As of today, my take is they are simply a “nicety”; a fictional politeness.  If not responded to, they are bogus.  Anyone involved in sales and marketing will tell you point-blank; the art of providing great service is all in the listening. 

Last Sunday, my friend and fellow blogger, Elijah and I arrived around 3 p.m. - ahead of the dinner crowd.  We were seated outside, where I noted only two other tables being occupied.   It took “Dancing Eyes”, that’s what he called her, along with a spinning dove-tailed “sweetie”.  Dancing Eyes, not being Native American Indian, was bleached blonde, blue eyed, possessing a fetchingly impetuous smile, carrying far more importantly the accentuating perky nipples.  It took her exactly twenty-two minutes (I timed it) to acknowledge our existence and grace our table with her bursting enthusiasm.  As a sidebar notation, I had noticed her dawdling in deep conversation with another server as we entered.  

Nicely, mind you, I immediately requested the table be wiped down, since it was very sticky.  I handed her my set of dirty cutlery, since it had someone else’s food was still stuck to it, along with two cracked water glasses.  She allowed us to give her our drink order, disappeared and returning with a wet towel.  The moment I touched it, I realized it had been dunked in ice water and was sopping wet, (not hot so as to help with the stickness) and was sopping wet (having not been rung out), meaning the table would require time to dry, leaving us only our laps to rest our hands.  Reading my reaction to the wet towel (clever girl), immediately justified herself by saying, “It has sanitation solution on it.”  

Elijah was beginning to make his discomfort for my interaction with Dancing Eyes, known to me.  “Lighten up, Penelope, she’s so sweet.  At least she’s trying.”   Normally, I make a point of being extremely compassionate with servers.  Somehow this one really irked me. We completed our meal.  The check arrived along with a rather large green comment card.  I slid the comment card over to him.  Number 1, being the lowest score and 10 the highest.  He, undeservingly scored her with 8’s and 9’s.  Well above average.  Can you imagine?  Dancing Eyes received an eighteen and-a-half percent tip for the lousy service she provided.  Once she was paid, we never heard back from her even though we lingered on for another 45 minutes, since there was no one else sitting outside.

This reminded me of the old adage:  “Pretty is as pretty does.”  Dancing Eyes, may have had a pretty face, but pretty is as pretty does.  The way she behaved wasn’t pretty at all. 

I think what I resented most about Dancing Eyes was her deliberate use of her “femme fatale” to gain something she didn’t rightfully deserve.  The only thing missing on her T-shirt, were the words, “Hey, I’m stupid, but not as dumb as you.” I consider it a cheap form of female manipulation.  On second thought, wasn’t she being... clever?  Maybe, I should be applauding her instead. 

Here is what I walked away thinking:

• Comment Cards are not a true indicator of good service performance.   They can be manipulated depending upon interpretation, mood and gender.

• Do attractive, good-looking servers get better tips and scores?  I think so! (Kind of a stupid question, but I had to ask it anyway.)

• The whole comment card issue is riddled with ambiguities.

• Management should make sure customer feedback policies are in place, ensuring the entire staff understands their importance and makes sure the information flows timely, to the top echelons and decision makers.

• Management needs to identify the person responsible for reading and addressing the necessary action to be taken on cards.

Electronic scoring gadgetry is being introduced and will begin appearing in restaurants for customer feedback.  Could you help us out by completing moi's very own comment card?    

Our Electronic Feedback Request:

1)    If presented with an electronic gadget after completing your meal, would you use it?         

2)    Do you prefer the electronic gadgetry to a card?                          

3)    Do you expect a response back from the management?                         

4)    How many questions would you be prepared to answer?

5)    Are you prepared to release your a) Name, b) Email c) Cell Number d) Everything?

6)    Have you ever received a response from a comment card?

7)    Do you feel your opinion counts?

We sincerely thank you for your help,

Penelope & Gabriella